1.3 BILLION Smackaroonies – Yes, With A “B”

Shew lawdy, my imagination ain’t big enough to grasp that much money. Why, did you know that with that amount, the lottery commission could give each person in America 4.3 Million dollars? That’s figured at 300 million people.

Shoot, right now I’d pee my britches if they gave me just a couple hundred thousand. Sure, 4.3 Million is a lot better, but let’s not get greedy, shall we?

This Powerball Lottery is at the highest amount it’s ever been at, anywhere in the world. I’d sure like to win it, but like they say, ya gotta play to win, and I don’t play. Nope, not even when it get’s this big.

Why not you ask? Well I will tell you since you asked so nicely.

It’s rigged, it has to be. Ya know how they say that every 5 scratch off tickets is a winner? I call bullshit. When it first hit here in our little hick town, I meandered over to the gas station/fast mart across the road from where I was working at the time. I walked up to the counter and popped down a $20.00 bill and bought me that in scratch off tickets.

Now if the every 5 rule holds true, by all rights and means I should have at least 2 winning tickets in my hand.

So I go outside and sit down at the picnic table they had sittin’ there and commenced to scratchin’. The first 4 were duds, so I figgered the next one had to be a winner. I was anticipatin’ how much I was gonna win as I scratched off that ticket. Well, it was a dud too, as were the next 4. I sat there holdin’ the last ticket in my hand, starin’ down at it as if by doing so I could will it into being a winner.

After a few minutes contemplation I started scratchin’. And you know what? I’ll be derned if it wasn’t a dud too.

Now us country boys tend to get a bit riled up if we think we’ve been swindled, and that’s exactly what I was sittin’ there thinkin’. I walk back in the place and tell the young lady behind the counter what sold me the losing tickets that I believed I had been cheated. Well, she wanted to know why and she had started lookin’ a little peaked around the gills, I guess cause I looked like a riled up bull that hadn’t had no sleep in nigh on 36 hours, which was the case.

Now don’t start gettin’ yer feathers in a ruffle, I wasn’t mad at the girl, i was mad at the system. I might just be an ‘ole hillbilly from a little coal town in the mountains, but I ain’t stupid. See, like most country folks, especially those what hail from the Appalachian Mountains, I rely more on common sense than book sense, and common sense was tellin’ me that what had just happened to me didn’t make no sense.

So, I decided right then and there that there would be no more lottery ticket buyin’ done by me. Fer one, I can’t afford it, fer another, it’s a rigged system, and hillbilly or not, I’m smart enough to avoid something that is rigged. Other than a few tickets that I was forced to buy by my first wife and my second wife, I have held to my word and not bought a single one for myself.

And there ya have it, the reason why I don’t buy lottery tickets.

Which reminds me of something.

There was a lady that worked with me at another job I had a few years later. Her and her husband always and faithfully played the lottery, not the scratch off ones, every week and they always played the same set of number in the same order. Never failed.

Until one day her husband decides, without her knowing about it mind ya, that he was gonna play different numbers and see if his luck changed any. Well, it did.

Now this is the truth, I seen it with my  own eyes. The numbers he picked that week wasn’t a winner, but the ones they always played before that day were. The pot was way up in the millions, I don’t remember exactly what it was now.

I’m not real sure what happened that poor feller, but I do know that his wife, the lady I worked with, was fit to be tied when she found out, and quite a few days afterwards too.

So go ahead and play the lottery and if you win and we’re friends, just slip a couple hundred thousand my way, you won’t miss it, I promise.

2 thoughts on “1.3 BILLION Smackaroonies – Yes, With A “B”

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