A Little Bit Out Of My Writin’ Element (PG-13 Sorta)

First, I want to tell you what prompted this post. Yesterday, I read a Twitter post that I found somewhat funny and ridiculous at the same time. A girl, I don’t know how old she is and don’t really care, but she has to be in her early to mid teens and extremely naive, was responding to another girls post in regards to boobs. She wrote, and I quote “I don’t understand what the big deal about tits is. I mean, they’re just baggy sacs of fat.” (It almost hurt me to type that out)

As a self proclaimed expert on the subject that is boobs, and for the gender of man as a whole, I had to do something to reduce the pain of readin’ that statement, so this post was born.

Also, before I really get started, there are a few ladies that read my blog that I know personally, in my real, offline world. I just want to say to them, “Ladies, I Do Not want a physical beating for writing this post. You know me and most of you will already know or have a really good idea about what I’m gonna write in this post.”

So let’s begin, shall we?

First and most importantly, boobs are NOT just “baggy sacs of fat”. The main and again, most important, function of boobs is the nurturing of children. That, regardless of what most men, including myself think, are the reason women have them. Granted, not all women will nurse (breast feed) their children and whether they do or not the mammary glads (boobs) will produce milk, mostly. I know there are some women that don’t ever produce milk, hence the huge market for bottles, pacifiers, infant formula, etc. etc. and I also know that some babies can’t, for whatever reason, tolerate their mommy’s naturally produced milk.

Second, regardless of some women’s inability to understand men’s fascination with boobs, it is a natural process. Men are born with this fascination and it never goes away, we never outgrow it and it never gets old. Even if a man was not breastfed, the “draw” to boobs is inescapable and extremely difficult to fight. Some men are just better at hiding it than others, but rest assured, it is still there. Our fascination and love for other female body parts develop at a later stage in life.

Most guys throughout their lives will master the “looking but not looking” technique. Sunglasses are a tremendous asset for this but the true master won’t need them. It takes a lot of practice, not that we mind, to reach the level of Master status, and no ladies, I am not gonna divulge our secret, so don’t ask. That’s part of the Man Code.

Another important fact that I need to point out here is this. Ladies, if you don’t want us lookin’ at em, stop showin’ em off. Not that that would stop a true boob connoisseur, we’re gonna look anyway and that is just plain, simple fact. Yes, I know they’re yours ladies but it is dang near impossible for most men to not look. Sorry, that’s just the way it is, can’t help it.

There is a major difference in looking and staring. Looking, if done correctly, will go largely unnoticed. Staring is just rude but there are certain instances when we catch ourselves staring and we don’t realize we are doin’ it. For instance, (you knew there would be an instance here), if a well endowed lady comes into a mans detection range, yes, we have those, and she is wearin’ a very low cut or tight shirt, especially if there is no bra involved, something in our brain short circuits and we lose all ability at bein’ civilized for a period of time. Sometimes we are able to recover on our own, most of the time however we are brought out of our stupor by a smack to the back of the head or an extremely aggressive punch to the chest or gut by our female companion. If a man is lucky that will be the end of it, if not, well all of us men have been there before, it ain’t fun. Which brings me back to the fact that ladies, it a natural thing for us to do, we don’t mean anything by it, it’s in our genes. (You can go ahead and pun the genes now)

Men are as diverse in their boob preferences as women are in shoes or handbags. Some men prefer a certain size and/or shape, some men could care less, they’re boobs after all. There are men that believe too big is a “waste”. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, how can you have “waste” when it comes to boobs? To me it just means there is more there to love. The size and shape of nipples play a part too but not as much, although they are the the thing that is most paid “attention” to when it counts.

I know that you’re probably sittin’ there wonderin’ about my preferences and if I’m gonna tell you about them. Nope, I’m not. If you were around me long enough you would be able to figure it out quite easily though. I will tell you this though, I am a Master connoisseur and I’m at that point in life where it just doesn’t matter if a woman sees me checkin’ out her chest luggage, if the woman is mature enough and has self confidence she will realize that I am simply payin’ her a compliment. Most women won’t see it that way though.

So in closing of this longer than usual post for me, let me say this. Ladies, regardless of what your feelings or beliefs are on the subject of boobs and the admiration of them by men, you are, for the most part, being complimented by a man when he looks. Yes, there are those men out there that are rude and impolite, but they do not make up the majority. Also, be proud of what you have, be confident in your body but most importantly be as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.

Lastly, don’t judge us, we are, after all, just men.

Thanks for readin’.

 

A Little Bit Out Of My Writin’ Element (PG-13 Sorta) was originally published on The Hillbilly Blogger

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