My First Chew

180px-Ct_mammoth_cave_large_twist_12ctAs a hillbilly, especially one of the male persuasion, it is almost mandatory that you use some sort of tobacco product, in some cases (like mine) you use more than one.

Like most “users” I started out very young in my chewin’ life. I was around nine years old when I got my first taste of tobacco.

I remember it like it was yesterday. My mom and I were stringin’ beans and there was a baseball game on the TV. I was sittin’ in the floor and the urge hit me that I really wanted a chew. My friends and I had been talkn’ about it for some time but none of us had yet mustered up the courage to take the plunge.

A member of my family chewed Mammoth Cave Twist, I had access to it, I knew I could talk my mom into lettin’ me try it, and I really wanted it, or at least I thought I did. Almost all the adults around me used some sort of tobacco, either chewin’ it or smokin’ it, and to me it seemed like a big deal, somethin’ I was supposedΒ to be doin’, it just seemed a natural thing to do.

So, I brought the subject up to mom, gently at first of course. After several minutes of deliberation, beggin’ and pleadin’, and downright stubbornness, I won the battle. Needless to say, I was very happy with myself that I had talked her into lettin’ me take this first giant step into adulthood, to my way of thinkin’ at least.

Now, if you’ve never chewed, or even really given it much thought, different brands of tobacco have different “strengths” and flavors. Some are mild and smooth, some are downright evil. Mammoth Cave falls somewhere between the two extremes.

Well, I grabbed up the twist that was layin’ on the table and, like I had seen my family member do, I broke off a pretty big hunk and popped it in my mouth, placin’ it just so in my jaw like I had seen done by the pros. I knew not to swallow it, I knew I had to spit the juice out and not get it anywhere near my eyes (that stuff burns like the dickens). What I didn’t know was whenΒ to actually chew it or to let it rest.

I was feelin’ purty good about myself, I mean, after all, here I was with a big ole chew in ,my mouth, I was really doin’ it and it wasn’t so bad, aside from the slight burnin’ sensation in my jaw and the unfamiliar feelin’ of havin’ somethin’ sittin’ in my jaw and not chewin’ it up and swallowin’ it like food.

Every so often my mom would ask how I was feelin’, and of course the answer every time was, “I’m feelin’ just fine mom”. I had my spit can sittin’ near by like all the other fellow tobacco chewers and I was just chewin’ away, stringin’ beans and watchin’ the ball game. I was a happy camper ’cause I was now in the ranks of the adults.

Then it hit me. It came out of nowhere like a thief in the night. I started gettin’ a little dizzy, a small sweat broke out on my forehead and I started wonderin’. It was about this time that a smile appeared on my moms face, yes, a smile.Β How dare her just sit there and smile at my discomfort.

I bravely announced that I had got all I could get out of this chew and spit it out, thinkin; that would be the end of the dizzy spell and all would return to normal. I was wrong, to say the least. The longer I sat there the worse it got, even several minutes after gettin’ rid of it. To my mom’s amusement, and against my will, I told her I wasn’t feelin’ too good. She innocently asked me in that sweet motherly voice they have if I was ok and if not to go lay down (it was near bedtime anyway), so I took her up on her offer and went to bed.

What nobody had bothered to tell me and somethin’ I had never paid any attention to, was the fact that you need to rinse your mouth out after spittin’ a chew out. Needless to say, I didn’t rinse my mouth out, which in turn caused me to swallow the remainin’ juice that was left in my mouth, which in turn caused me to just get sicker and sicker the longer I laid in the bed. At one point I opened my eyes and the dresser that was in my immediate field of view was spinnin’ around at an alramin’ rate. At this point in my misery, I hollered at mom, wonderin’ if this would ever stop. She assured me that it would and told me to go rinse my mouth out and drink some water and asked me if I thought I would ever try chewin’ again, to which I answered a mighty NO!

Of course that wasn’t the case, I ended up tryin’ a different brand of tobacco that was smoother and tasted better and I was hooked, but that wasn’t a big surprise to my mom or to me.

In hindsight I can say that I wish I had never taken that second chew. I wouldn’t have wasted so much money, my teeth would be in much better shape and I wouldn’t be dependent on it. But, such as everything in life, it is a lesson learned and one which I am still apparently learnin, cause I’m still chewin’ and still bein’ a hillbilly.

Thanks for readin’.

Tim

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “My First Chew

  1. NotAPunkRocker

    I was trying not to apply the stereotype, but wowsa! πŸ˜‰

    I’ve dated smokers, and I have dated dip/chew users (and married one at one time). I would rather be with a smoker than the others: you can at least tell when they are using it. Nothing like surprising a guy with a kiss and being greeted by Skoal residue. :<

    Like

    Reply
    1. Tim Taylor Post author

      I guess I’m the personification of the stereotype πŸ˜€ And yeah, kissin’ was always a deal breaker for the most part but in my defense I always tried to make sure that didn’t happen too often lol

      Like

      Reply
      1. NotAPunkRocker

        The other thing was accidentally picking up the spit can instead of the soda you just opened. Fun times πŸ˜‰

        Like

  2. disappearingwoman

    You know I was born and raised in WV, so I’m an official hillbilly, too! I’ll never forget the Christmas that my brother and I got my dad a case of Redman chewing tobacco. He got a little hillbilly tear in his eye when he opened that gift.
    I’ve also tried chewing tobacco and cigarettes when I was young. My dad didn’t want my brother or me to use tobacco, so he made us try it when I was about 10. It was so horrible tasting that I was never tempted to use the stuff once my peers were all using it. I don’t know how you can stand it! πŸ™‚

    Like

    Reply
    1. Tim Taylor Post author

      Best Christmas gift ever! lol I don’t like the taste of all tobacco but I do like wintergreen, which is the flavor of the Red Seal brand that I use. It’s kinda like beer, I love the taste of it although it can be inconvenient at times πŸ™‚

      Like

      Reply
  3. April

    Lol well you mom was trying to teach you a lesson and good for her, it’s just too bad it didn’t stick πŸ˜‰ great read ! Very funny and glad to see you back!

    Like

    Reply
    1. Tim Taylor Post author

      Thanks April! It’s been too long actually since I posted last. Yeah, she was tryin’ her best and it prolly would have worked had my best friend not “shamed” me into tryin’ it again.

      Like

      Reply
  4. The Indecisive Eejit

    Your Mom got you with a big old dose of reverse psychology lol
    Man Dad still can’t believe to this day that I smoke because I was so anti it when I was younger and then I had to break his heart and tell him that was only to hide my secret :/

    Like

    Reply

Sit A Spell And Lemme Know What Ya Think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s