Over the last few days I have been experiencing an anxiety and panic attack, the likes of which I haven’t had in a long time. When I have these episodes I am practically immobilized, all I can really seem to do is sit and stare out a window while the panic rages.
I am almost unable to perform my normal daily routine, but somehow I manage to get the most important things done, albeit I move through the day like a zombie. I am unable to keep my mind on one thing, which is one reason I haven’t posted anything in the last few days. I get started on a post and then my mind drifts to places I wished it wouldn’t go, but I can’t stop it.
So, since it has subsided a little bit this mornin’ I figured I’d post this just to let all my friends, followers and readers know that I am in fact still in the world of the livin’, although at times it doesn’t really feel that way, and also I thought it might help to write about it.
I can’t really come up with the right words to describe what I am feelin’ and just exactly what I’m goin’ through. I suppose doom and gloom come the closest. I feel like that any minute my world is gonna come crashin’ down around me and there’s nothin’ I can do to stop it. It’s repressive and (to me) mind numbin’. I’m writin’ this post in starts and stops ’cause my brain doesn’t wanna cooperate with me, it wants to go off in it’s own direction, which inevitably leads right back to the dark places I don’t wanna go to.
At times like these I feel so stuck, helpless and vulnerable, and I do not like those feelin’s at all. I can’t be happy, I can’t make myself crawl outta this pit which I have fallen into. Although I know I’m not, I feel so alone right now, I just wanna run somewhere and hide where nobody will ever find me.
I’ll stop now, this post is NOT like me at all and I don’t wanna depress y’all with my mental inadequacies right now, but I did wanna let ya know that I’m still here, physically if not mentally. If ya pray, pray for me.
Thanks for readin’