Damn You Anxiety!

Over the last few days I have been experiencing an anxiety and panic attack, the likes of which I haven’t had in a long time. When I have these episodes I am practically immobilized, all I can really seem to do is sit and stare out a window while the panic rages.

I am almost unable to perform my normal daily routine, but somehow I manage to get the most important things done, albeit I move through the day like a zombie. I am unable to keep my mind on one thing, which is one reason I haven’t posted anything in the last  few days. I get started on a post and then my mind drifts to places I wished it wouldn’t go, but I can’t stop it.

So, since it has subsided a little bit this mornin’ I figured I’d post this just to let all my friends, followers and readers know that I am in fact still in the world of the livin’, although at times it doesn’t really feel that way, and also I thought it might help to write about it.

I can’t really come up with the right words to describe what I am feelin’ and just exactly what I’m goin’ through. I suppose doom and gloom come the closest. I feel like that any minute my world is gonna come crashin’ down around me and there’s nothin’ I can do to stop it. It’s repressive and (to me) mind numbin’. I’m writin’ this post in starts and stops ’cause my brain doesn’t wanna cooperate with me, it wants to go off in it’s own direction, which inevitably leads right back to the dark places I don’t wanna go to.

At times like these I feel so stuck, helpless and vulnerable, and I do not like those feelin’s at all. I can’t be happy, I can’t make myself crawl outta this pit which I have fallen into. Although I know I’m not, I feel so alone right now, I just wanna run somewhere and hide where nobody will ever find me.

I’ll stop now, this post is NOT like me at all and I don’t wanna depress y’all with my mental inadequacies right now, but I did wanna let ya know that I’m still here, physically if not mentally. If ya pray, pray for me.

Thanks for readin’

Tim

 

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28 thoughts on “Damn You Anxiety!

  1. NotAPunkRocker

    A lot of us know where you are with this right now so we get it. Try to take it easy and if you need anything (rant, vent, talk through, be distracted), then you know where to find us.

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  2. The Indecisive Eejit

    Anxiety is a curse to be sure, it makes our thinking irrational and it is mind numbing, I hate it and its unstoppable rollercoaster. I think sometimes the situation we find ourselves in does not help either because it can feel claustrophobic and like all avenues of escape have closed. It will pass though and you know that, and I hope it is soon. Huge hugs chum x

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  3. mommyx4boys

    So sorry hon, I have episodes like that to, where I just know something terrible is about to happen and even though I am physically here, my mind is a million miles away, I’ll be praying for you and if you need someone to talk to im always around. You’re a hillbilly so I assume you like fishing, if so go fishen for a little while that usually helps me some. When I can actually do it that is .

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  4. disappearingwoman

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve suffered from anxiety since I was 12. Finally, after years of suffering in silence, I talked to my doctor about it two years ago. I tried counseling at first, but the therapist suggested that I talk to my doctor about medication. I was pretty leery about taking an anti-anxiety medication, but I’m so glad I did, and still do. After years of obsessively worrying about the future and having that doom and gloom feeling that something is going to go wrong, I feel free. I take 70 mg of Effexor each morning and have no side effects from it other than less worry.
    You have a lot on you with raising your son and with caring for your mom. I think it’s normal to have anxiety when you’re in a trying situation. Anxiety stops being normal when it’s hard to function because of it. I hope you feel better soon. Try to get outside and enjoy nature, that would always help me. Remember that 99% of the stuff we worry about never comes to pass and that most things usually work out for the best. Take care, and write all you need to about your anxiety, that’s very helpful, too. You’re not alone in this! 🙂

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    1. Tim Taylor Post author

      Yeah I’m on meds too but they just ain’t touchin’ this attack. Thanks so much for your very kind words and lettin me know I’m not alone it all this 🙂

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      1. disappearingwoman

        You’re very welcome! I hope you have a nice 4th! I’m grilling this evening because we’re sure to have rain tomorrow, Hope you have some fun plans in the making! 🙂

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  5. melissa nacinovich

    Can’t always write about happy! The world isn’t always happy… I hope you feel better soon! I know, for me, anxiety comes and goes so try not to be too hard on yourself if you’re not “up for” something. Take care of yourself : )

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  6. lunatique77

    I know exactly what you are going through – it took me many years to finally find my solution to anxiety: for me, it was psychotherapy. I will always be an anxious person, but I have not had panic attacks for over two years! We are bringing it on ourselves, and only we can get rid of it. I hope you’ll feel better soon!
    Lunatique

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  7. ZiNdAGi RoCkS !!

    Sending you positive energy & smiles to brighten up your day 🙂 🙂 sharing your thoughts have done the half-work already. venting out all negatives is done now back to positive side.good wishes !

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  8. machinegunmama

    You didn’t depress me at all, you made me feel better that I am not alone in those feelings. I read the other day that happiness doesn’t always FEEL happy. I’m trying to understand and embrace that, to try and reassure myself I guess. It’s like, I just sit there numb, waiting for the ball to inevitably drop

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  9. dragonflygypsyusa

    I hear you, my friend. I know the experience quite well (read todays post). Sounds like you’re trying to breathe through it…good. I know that can be hardest of all, breathing. Hope today brings you relief.

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