Daddy, Are You Still Married?

That is the question that my four year old just asked me. How did I answer it? Well, in true hillbilly fashion, I told him the truth, I told him that his mommy didn’t wanna be married to me anymore.

Instantly I get the next inevitable question … Why? This one was a little more difficult to answer, actually I’m still workin’ on a response.

How do you tell your son that his mother chose a different life path than the one we were on when he was born? How do you explain to a child, in terms he will understand, that the everlasting bond I thought we had was nothing but a fleeting, passing “urge”.

How do you explain somethin’ so complicated and diverse as a broken heart and a broken home?

I have decided to let that question hang for a while and hope that he forgets that he asked it. In time, maybe, he will come to understand. I can only hope.

Thanks for readin’.

Tim

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14 thoughts on “Daddy, Are You Still Married?

  1. The Indecisive Eejit

    You tell him just what you told us. That she chose a different life path, that she was not strong enough to maintain a bond, and that she didn’t deserve Daddy anyway cos she clearly couldn’t see how awesome the is 🙂 When he’s old enough hit him with the truth and tell him to sue her for missed birthdays! She lost out, that’s what you need to remember x

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      1. ZiNdAGi RoCkS !!

        Yeah that’s as a parents we have to continuous figure out.I have 2 daughters, for me everyday as a parent is learn & relearn & improvise 🙂 🙂 I rem my elder one asking me about Evils & Fairies , give me inspiration to write my Poem “Angels & Demons ” 🙂 🙂 good wishes

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      2. Tim Taylor Post author

        I actually just read it, it is a very well written poem and I enjoyed it very much! 😀 Your little girls are lucky to have a mommy like you.

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  2. disappearingwoman

    Kids are incredibly accepting and resilient. Be honest with your explanation and always speak respectfully of his mom. (Negative explanations of her could make him wonder if he has some of her bad traits) I think a watered down explanation similar to the one you gave us will work. As a divorced, now remarried, mom of two daughters, I found that it wasn’t a one time conversation. It was fortunate that my first husband and I divorced when they were 3 and 5. It made living just with me for the eight years that I was single, probably seem more like the norm. They hold no ill will toward their father now, but they do have their ups and downs because of his addiction problems and decline (he’s in liver failure now from alcoholism). It’s not easy, but just continue to show him how much he’s loved, and you’ll both get through it. 🙂

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    1. Tim Taylor Post author

      I agree, I never speak ill of his mom in his presence for sure, he spends a week with her and a week with me so she’s def in his life and I have no idea if he ever asks her questions like that (if he did I would love to hear the answer) It just kills me when I have to be a week without him. I applaud you on raisin’ your girls as a single mom for all those years and I’m glad you found happiness 😀 Although I am sorry to hear about your first husband, that’s def a miserable life.

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      1. disappearingwoman

        I certainly hope that you find happiness with someone, too. Parenting on your own is really difficult and often lonely. It sounds like you’re doing a good job and asking for advice when you need it–which is very important!
        It’s good that your son has visitation with his mom. I had to end private visitation with my girls’ dad because of his drinking. He did continue to have supervised visitation for a few hours each weekend with my sister-in-law present. Eventually, my daughters didn’t want to go because he usually wouldn’t be sober and it was confusing and upsetting for them.
        My girls are now 23 and 26 and know that their dad is terminal–which really sucks. They’re strong and will handle it when the time comes.

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      2. Tim Taylor Post author

        Well thank you, however, I’m nowhere near ready for a relationship but you’re right, it can be lonely at times. Alcoholism is def a bad road to travel, I actually started down that road but managed to pull myself out of it before it got too bad. Good thing too cause little did I know that I would soon become the full time caretaker of my mom. It sounds like you’ve raised 2 very strong girls, they’re lucky to have a momma like you 😀

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  3. NotAPunkRocker

    “Sometimes, mommies and daddies have to do things differently.”

    I think that is what I told my son when he was old enough to “get” that step-dad and bio-dad were those roles, technically. Divorcing his step-dad when he was 11 was a much worse experience, I couldn’t play as much off as “that is life for some families”.

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