A Miserable Hillbilly

I didn’t do exactly what The Daily Post instructions said, but it is a picture and there is a story, so instead I looked through some pictures of my little boy and wanted to share with you somethin’ that’s heavy on my heart right now.

That’s the little scutter in the picture and I miss him terribly. His mother just came and picked him up yesterday evenin’ and it feels like he’s been gone forever already.

In keepin’ with what I’m supposed to do for this post, the story behind this picture is pretty simple, he had one of my old hats on and was tryin’ his best to wink, he went through a stage of winkin’ at everybody, no matter where he was. Of course, all the ladies thought it was just the cutest thing, too bad they didn’t think dad was as cute,

Now to what I really wanna talk about, The toll a divorce takes on a hillbilly and his son is tremendous, for both of us. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I would ever have to go through a divorce, especially with a toddler in the picture, but that’s just what happened. I’m not gonna throw blame around in this post, that’s not what it’s about.

I love my son’s dearly, I have two, Jordan who is 24 and lives in Kansas, he’s married and I’m hopin’ to be a grandpa before long. He’s my first born and was my right hand before he moved and got a life of his own, a fact that I still resent. Hey, it’s the dad in me, OK?

Connor is 4 and he spends his time divided up between his mother and I, we get him a week at a time and that just about kills me. I hate to be without him for any length of time, especially for a whole week. I feel totally lost without him runnin’ through the house yellin’ and screamin’. I swear he’s like a little tornado, in fact, that’s what my mom calls him, her little tornado.

I look around the house and everywhere there are reminders of him. His blankie layin’ in the chair where he left it, the little cars he was playin’ with right before he left, the mess outside that I have yet to clean up, little pieces of paper that he has been “writin'” on, thinkin’ he was writin’ his name or a phone number.

Right before he left yesterday he hugged me and started cryin’. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was gonna miss me, his little arms wrapped around my neck so tight. That right there folks just got to this big burly hillbilly.

Don’t get me wrong, we have our off days, he doesn’t like to mind and you’d swear he was deaf when he’s told to do somethin’, but come on, he’s only 4 years old. Yes, I lose my temper with him and yes he does get punished but that’s all part of bein’ a kid.

I just don’t like bein’ separated from him, I hate it. Where does the blame lie? I’m not sayin’, that’s not important now, what is important is that he needs both parents, i just despise the way he has to be with both of us. It literally tears me apart to the point that I get sick at my stomach, like now.

I guess the point of this post is more for me that anything else, I needed to get that off my chest. I could have said a lot more but it would have been repetitious, there are only so many ways I can say I miss my son(s). This is a self indulgent post that I decided to share with you, who knows, maybe somebody that reads this is goin’ through the same thing and they will know that they’re not alone in their misery. Maybe somebody that has kids and is thinkin’ about a separation or a divorce will think twice. I dunno, but I hope you enjoyed this post.

Thanks for readin’.

Tim